I want to go out and enjoy my life. I feel like I’m living to work at the moment. Does anyone else feel the same? I guess I just need to be stronger. This is what I signed up for isn’t it?

Life should be about enjoy everything you do. I love everything but my job right now. I half like it at best.

Enough whinning!

I am super happy and overwhelmed at the moment. Did you guys like the interviews?

Want more? leave me a comment and I’ll try to go out and get more!!!

The best part is stumbling upon a memory so distant of the hurt we once felt and not feeling it at all anymore.

The hardest part of letting go of something or someone is accepting that the thing or person has already let go.

I’m not stuck in a place right now. I feel free.

I could potentially do anything I wanted (within reason).

Maybe that’s why I don’t what to do next. I am scared of all the possibilities because there are so many. For me the fewer choices the better. If I have millions of choices than I panic. I’m that person who sits and reflects, on everything.

In our lives how often do we sit down and reflect on ourselves?

Think about the first memory you have. Reach into the deep recesses of our minds. Why is it that our memories are like clips of movies, never the whole thing. Trailers, if you will, and they change with time. We start adding information for the lack of remembering.

That last part scares me. Not remembering.

I have moved on from the self-loathing I used to feel. I used to hate the way I looked, dressed, talked, and most of all was. My very self, the who I was. I didn’t like her very much.

Now I look at my self through my accomplishments not my jean size.

In this past year I have managed to stay in school and work. My school is an eclectic, amazing, well-priced place to be and I love the people I’ve met there.

 I worked at Creme de la Cookie and I learned a lot about baking there and I made some pretty awesome friends. My current job as a cook at the Omni in Dallas is by far the most demanding job I’ve ever had and also the most amazing. I’ve been there all but two months and I’ve already learned so much.

Moving on for me isn’t hard. I don’t get attached easily to things and my mind wanders onto the next things before I know it. 

So the next time you decide to TRY to move on. Remember it’s not a choice. Time heals nothing, time only draws out the feelings. The only way to truly move on is to let yourself feel all those things that aren’t allowing you to move.

Julia Roberts taught me that.

If you love someone who has moved on…love them. If you miss that person…..miss them. Send them light and love while you think of them and then drop it.

Nothing last forever. 

I wonder what all those crazy people who thought the world would end are thinking now.

Anyways…What did we all do on new years?!

I worked. ALL. DAY.

It’s a nice feeling though…to know that I have a job this new year.

I’m more thankful coming into this new year than on Thanksgiving!

…during which I also worked.

I usually make new years resolutions but this year I’m just going to let myself just enjoy life.

NO diets.

No boyfriends.

No reading more.

No organizing.

No dancing.

No going out.

No moving on.

No not moving on.

Just happiness.

This makes the year go by easier.

I won’t look back and think…damn….I didn’t do any of my resolutions.

I will just live!

For one more year.

-LOVE, M

It’s hard to know what’s right and wrong in life when we are introduced to so many things and so many people. This man made going to work more fun and the fact that he was handsome had nothing to do with it, of course. He will be missed in many ways. One mainly being that he was the type of person that you could really learn from.

I hope he finds something that makes him happy. I firmly believe that everyone deserves happiness. I could use some of it right now.

The rides, car shows, music, football games at the Cotton Bowl, parades, games, and last and definately not least the fried food.

(I am very late publishing this post, I know! It’s better late than never.)

My sisters and I ended up going to the fair a week before it ended and had a blast!

Big Tex looks more and more Mexican every year! Thank goodness we aren’t in Arizona…

The car shows are my third favorite. So many new innovations and kick ass designs.

Don’t I look good in a car?

After leaving the car show and saying bye to my new friend Hank the Ford Robot.

My second favorite thing to do at the fair is try all the food!!

Here is the delicious Turkey leg!

OH and you can’t forget the funnel cake!

I tried the fried snickers….not so great. Really sweet and disgustingly hot and gooey!

Tasted like a melted Snickers bar with fried batter on top!

Who would have known that grilled alligator would taste so good?!

Chewy, spicy, and delectable!

I also had a corny dog and some chocolate covered strawberries!

I am sort of a big foodie and the State Fair is my once a year fried fest.

We ate, rode a whole bunch of rides and walked around people watching!

I am a kid at heart and my favorite thing to do at the fair is ride all the rides!!

Needless to say it was a blast and I loved being with all my sisters!

Can you find the difference between these two photos?

UGH I’m so urban…..I don’t even care.

I have something on my head? Where?

Did I get it?

 My little sister LOVES cotton candy! I expressed my hate for the cotton like sugar and said something about how gross it was right before taking a large piece of the fun to eat treat.

There is a great grassy place at the fair that is awesome to take a nap, rest, or eat at! It’s right next to the Garden!

Watching people waste their money on games! WOOO $60 bucks on a small teddy bear…

I found the most playful kitty in a gallery near by the fair grounds! It played with me!

 If you ever find yourself in Texas at the beginning of October you NEED to go to the fair! See the car show! Ride as many ride as you can! THEN eat as much fried food as you possibly can! See the Illumination Show, the parade and then go home and rest your butt off!

Go as soon as you can because it’s not cheap but it only comes once a year!

Tickets were around $14-16 depending on coupons!

These are the Fried foods you could’ve found at the State Fair this year!

 I just love October!  

love, M

Today while on my way home, I was thinking about an old friend/flame. We’ll call him Griggery. I hope that if he’s reading this, that he knows this is for him.

Back in 2009:

We were “talking” for a few months and I quickly found myself into him more than thought I would be. His every word hung in the air waiting for me to grab it and somehow make something of it. I deemed him too smart, too handsome, too thin, too important, too depressed for me. I decided that I would be his happiness. Perhaps I could win my way to his quote on quote heart, which is really just a muscle, and all the too’s would go away.

Little did I know he was deeper in his own mind to bother with mine. My favorite things about him were the very things that tormented him. I started to feel depressed. His own sadness tainted me. I was battling his demons and in turn they started to haunt me. 

I loved talking to him though. I felt so intelligent speaking to him and learning what I did. He was a good friend. I thank him for that much. We were never much of a ’we’. I still wish he had seen me. Actually seen me as I am now. I am in a much better place.

Back to present day: October 31, 2011. 

I was worrying about how we was. Checking his Facebook never gives me any clues seeing how he is hardly ever on it. I remembered messaging him on FB and getting back a dodged reply. I could only hope he was doing well. Griggory must know…that I really did like him. He must know that I missed him for a long time. He must know that I wanted so bad just to run and see him. One last time.

2009:

We were in my car. I was driving him around while he smoked in the passenger side. My thoughts were mixed up. I know I had said I would wait to see if he was ready to be in a relationship, but I didn’t want to. Yes I was fed up but willing to keep just talking and hanging out.

“We should just be friends.” As I said this my chest seized and I didn’t breathe. I paused to wait for his answer which came quick.

“Okay.” He said in the most casual way. As my feelings were being torn apart, he turned his eyes to look at me. By now, I was crying, and wishing I had kept my mouth closed.

“I’ll take you home.” Half of me was waiting for him to touch my cheek and say he was sorry or, ask me not to end it and tell me I was what he wanted. The other half was already back in my house curled up in my blankets listening to “All by myself”.

Nothing happened. I dropped him off and I never heard from him again. But I wish I had.

That boy with the slight problem. That boy who changed me. He challenged my morals. Widened my knowledge.

Did you know those things?

I miss you.

I hope you care to fight for someone like you did her someday. Someone who makes you happy everyday, every time.

I never stood a  chance against her. She was your everything. I never understood it.

I don’t think I ever will….

-Love, M

Personally, I first heard of her when a friend showed me a twitter picture of her “Pugs not Drugs” t-shirt.

 It had been tweeted by someone random and I just had to know who shared the same affection for pugs as I did. I came to find, from Google search, that she was this cute as a button, quirky, down to earth illustrator, whom I immediately fell for (in the gal pal kind of way).

I knew that I had to get an interview with her and so I email her. To fully understand how cool she is here are the emails!

Without further to do here is Miss Correll in 7 quick demanding horribly offensive questions!!!!!!!! (it’s called sarcasm people)

7 Questions with Gemma Correll

1)      I go to a community college filled with artists wanting to make money with their craft. Many of whom are very good others who are not so much. What advice can you give someone who wants to be a full-time artist?

It can be a tough life and I think it’s getting tougher now that there’s more competition out there. Everyone has a website and uses social networking so it can be hard to stand out. I’d encourage any potential artist to be themselves and not follow trends. Try to find your niche and draw in the way that you enjoy the most. Be prepared to work very hard and not have a lot of money, or much of a social life, to begin with. It does get easier though, as the years go by.

2)      In interviews I read about you, I saw that you really want to come to America. We would love to have you over!  What about the USA are you looking forward to? What about it are you not looking forward to?

I love the USA – I’ve been there a few times. My dad’s family are in North Carolina so I went there a few times as a child and more recently, my fiance and I have visited California, Arizona, Nevada and Texas. I love the variety of the country – it’s like lots of little countries but with common language, money etc. There are some states I like more than others. I won’t name names in case I offend anyone… cough, Arizona, cough. We’re hoping to visit Portland (Oregon) next year. I’m not looking forward to the journey there (it’s going to be a long one, with Mr Pickles in tow) and I’m not looking forward to leaving. I would love to live over there. I wish it was easier to get a visa – anyone want to offer me a fake job that I can pretend to do while actually just drawing pictures and eating Take Five bars?

3)      Gemma, you are ridiculously talented. Your success in the UK and overseas speaks for itself.   Had you not chosen to be an artist (or if you weren’t as successful), what do you believe would have been your means of living?

I’d have been a teacher, I think… That was very nearly what actually happened, because I started on a teacher training course after I left school but then switched to art. It’s still something I’d like to do in the future maybe. I like working with kids, especially those with special needs.

4)      How do you work without getting distracted from work while at home? Do you have a planner or do you go with the flow and paint/draw as you get inspired? Does Mr. Pickles keep you in line?

I’m not much of a planner and I find it difficult to work in that way, so I just go by deadlines where possible. I have a To-Do list and I work on the closest deadlines first, but I have some days where I’m full of inspiration and can barely get everything down onto paper and other days where nothing goes right and I feel like all of my ideas suck. I try to find time for personal work and for drawing in my sketchbook. If I can, I take one full day off a week to sketch and write lists (I like to write lists!) and also try to do a bit of doodling in the evenings.

5)      Is your wardrobe as colorful as the drawings you do? Winter is coming up, what are you stocking up on as far as clothes? (I need fashionable, affordable, comfy clothing advice!)

I’d like to wear nice, pretty clothes but since I don’t really go out that much, I tend to stick to basics. I buy a lot of stuff second hand so I just buy things I like when I see them rather than looking for something specific… although I am on the search for a pair of snowproof boots for the winter. I like to layer, so I’ll wear a T-shirt, then a shirt, then a cardigan. I am also quite fond of thermal vests, even if they do make me feel like an old lady.

6)      The art community in Dallas is very fun, diverse, and is very charitable.  Art can be therapeutic, spiritual, and loads of fun! How, in your own opinion, does art help the world in any specific or general way?

It’s definately therapeutic, for the artist and for the viewer. I think playfulness and humour in art is important in particular, it transports the viewer back to childhood in a way- and it’s always healthy to have a giggle!

7)      Last but certainly not least, Congratulations on being engaged! Are kids in the cards for you? Would you give up your pen as a means of living or continue doing the thing you love?

Thank you! I don’t think I could ever give up drawing. I don’t think I’ll be having any children for some time, but even when I do, I aim to continue drawing.

Gemma’s art is just so more than this or that. She is taking something she is passionate about and sharing with all of us. Many of us end up doing something to make money to live life but there are few to follow their dreams fully. You could learn a thing or two, or three, or seven from her.

Here is her lovely website!

Buy lots of stuff! Remember, Christmas is a few months away!!

-Love M

What do you ask a famous comedian who is both sarcastic and inteligent at the same time? I didn’t know. I still don’t think I know. Regardless, I had to ask her something! I mean the lady took time out of her day to answer me.

After days of struggling to find a balance between what I wanted to ask and what I thought you guys might want to know about her I came up with these 6 odd, sweat inducing questions! So, without further to do OR say, here are my 6 questions to Charlyne Yi.

6 QUESTIONS with CHARLYNE YI

1)      I recently have started to think about which place in this big world I would want to live and I like thinking about my life in different places. Which, of the places that you have traveled to, have you felt most inspired by or wanted to return to?

I really loved Bloomington Indiana.  Everything feels like a home.  And a lot of places are houses that are turned into stores or restaurants which is really neat.  I don’t think I could ever live in the UK because I’d miss Mexican food too much and the grit of life.   

2)      I read that your mom is Filipino-Mexican. Being Mexican myself, I wanted to know how much of that part of your make up was part of your growing up? To be clearer have you ever been to Mexico, had a Chihuahua, eaten posole (Mexican spicy soup) or had a piñata at a birthday party?

I’ve had several of pinatas at my birthdays.  I love them.  And we ate a lot of Mexican and Filipino food growing up as well as everything in between. Lots of grilled cheeses.  My Abuelita lives in Esenada and we used to visit her. She lives on a ranch, and would make the best tortillas.  Also, when first starting up, all of my mom’s family (like 20 of us) all lived in my Lola’s house because we were all poor.  So one room per family.  And my family and I lived in a livingroom for a great while. Till we moved into a room.  Then eventually had enough money to get our own home.  

3)      Since I was a little girl I liked helping people. Once I got older the feeling increased and now I have started to look into going to the Peace Corp or start a non-profit organization after college. I saw your video for Oxfam America and I loved it. Also, I see you have started Caring Is Cool, how is that coming along, as far as, events and who is it helping?

I’m trying to start small with the projects for Caring is Cool, and everybody is helping really: friends, strangers, etc. Hopefully it catches on.   Slowly but surely.  Babysteps!

4)      You have said many things about love and I am currently single. It’s hard to date sometimes but I’m not complaining! I like my alone time. How are you when you are in relationships? Do you think society puts too much stress into dating with movies, TV, and books? I imagine it is harder for someone in the Hollywood scene, although I think you don’t necessarily consider yourself “in”. 

I think society has many strange pressures regarding relationships and getting married.  Not necessarily through film, books, or TV.  But through culture and religion & how we were raised.  Expectations of society is a constant evolving and devolving thing. Just look out how gay marriage went from accepted, to rejected so quickly.  Hopefully we continue to grow, and challenge ourselves to.

I kinda went off on a tangent.  

I think the focus on films, books, tv, dealing with relationships is because that’s what the market is in demand for.  But I could be wrong.  Also, I feel like everybody is looking for a companion and wants to find love.  Also-Also, I made a movie about love so maybe I’m the wrong person to ask. *(Check out her movie Paper Heart with Michael Cera.)

But yeah, how am I with relationships?  I have no idea.  Relationships are tough.  But I’m happy in the one I am in now.  

5)      Let’s talk some music.  YouTube has provided you a way to show the world your music. Your music is sometimes silly and sometimes sweet.  What are your plans as far as music goes? Is there an artist who you admire enough to be inspired by through your music?

I am gonna try to build a solid band, I start bands all the time and quit.  It’s hard to keep a fun steady band.  

I don’t sound like any of the music I like, my favorites are The Pixies, Tchaikovsky, Danny Elfman’s Edward Scissor Hands soundtrack, The Sonics, Queen, Harpo Marx.

6)      I read in an interview that you would sneak into college after not being able to return.  Do you think that if the money hadn’t been an issue that you would be still be where you are today?

 I think if I really wanted to go to college, I would’ve found a way to keep going.  Take out some more loans or something.  But I was feeling terribly lost going to school without a clue of what I was trying to do there.  And I [think] something in me felt compelled to do perform at comedy shows for free, and take up a job. Because that’s where my heart was.  I knew that even if I was poor, my happiness would be balanced off by something that made me happy.   I think not having enough money for college was an issue, and did make me think about my life and why I was at school.  I feel like people go to school to figure out what they want to do, and that just happened to not something I could learn at a college. 

————————————————————————————————————

The honest truth about Charlyne Yi is that she is a very funny, inspirational, honest and honestly has left me with a friend crush.

Love

-M

When I was little I was bullied at school. I was picked on for being chubby. By the time I started liking boys they had all proven themselves to be jerks. No boy wanted to be liked by a girl like me a chubby, thick haired, mexican, shy girl. My confidence and trust were shot, right in the back. I tried being the nicest girl instead of the most beautiful, which I wasn’t, because everyone likes the nice girl.

Years later, I still hold on to the hurt but I don’t believe I’m not beautiful. I learned that the definition for a word was up to the person reading it.

My relationship with myself is complicated. I haven’t learned to love myself like I should. My life however, the life I currently have is an amazing one. I will never give up.

Right now, as I type this, I am watching the lightning outside my house. It illumninates the whole sky at times and it’s a sight to see. The thought that if I give up I won’t ever get to see this lightning again is scary. The life I lead and the life I have planned, and unplanned, is like this lightning. If I never got to experience it…it’s not imaginable. I have stayed alive because my thirst for life is bigger than the saddness I had been feeling for a while.

Even when I stay home and do nothing, I’m indoors with air-conditioning, food, internet, and family. That’s more than some could say or wish for. I’m lucky. I’m lucky that I’m here, that my dreams will be accomplished, that my family supports me no matter what, and that I’ve never been struck by that beautiful lightning.

-M

Men come and go from our lives, rob us blind of our happiness. We cry and text. Cry and call and when that doesn’t work, cry and ignore. Ignore someone whose off living their own life and can’t feel being ignored.

Why are we the weaker sex? How can you call a person who survives giving birth weak? Creating life in their bellies and being lovingly warm isn’t enough… I guess. We’ll have to earn more money and bench press more than a man. Wait. I do believe that that has already happened. So….men, when you are off degrading women for being a slut, bitch, fat ass, butterface or worse think about your mother. Without her you wouldn’t be here. You all have the semen to plow like you wish to but without us, women, your crops would die.

I love men and what they do, if they are doing it for good but I would rather be alone than beaten, raped, or hurt by a man. We could all stand to be loved in the right ways. Never being robbed blind.